Scared of being told off for going to Master's room and asking for affection by my presence.
Guilty for feeling scared when Master is so welcoming.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Sunday, September 11, 2011
showertiem
I was going to have a shower about 10 minutes ago but 11 minutes ago people came back and i'm scared to leave the room and announce my presence into their conversation to ask them if they need to loo or anything before i steal the bathroom from them.
had a small panic attack about it.
went to a councillor lady about this shit and talked through some stuff. she gave me relaxation techniques and ways of going through stuff in my head. which i'm apparently already doing. but i should be applying that now. i'm scared of applying that - what if i get it wrong.
this is fucking ridiculous.
1st day back in Germany i need to travel at ridiculously early in the morning to my uni and get a lot of information from new people who aren't necessarily going to understand my German and may revert to english around me. I was getting Bouy to come with me but he said it would probably be best to go by myself as i'm more likely to make friends with people if i'm by myself. which i guess is true.
It's a choice between sliding into social interaction by avoiding it and clinging to Bouy, or plunging feet first in without Bouy and getting somewhere; eating my toad with biting down as hard as possible bites.
had a small panic attack about it.
went to a councillor lady about this shit and talked through some stuff. she gave me relaxation techniques and ways of going through stuff in my head. which i'm apparently already doing. but i should be applying that now. i'm scared of applying that - what if i get it wrong.
this is fucking ridiculous.
1st day back in Germany i need to travel at ridiculously early in the morning to my uni and get a lot of information from new people who aren't necessarily going to understand my German and may revert to english around me. I was getting Bouy to come with me but he said it would probably be best to go by myself as i'm more likely to make friends with people if i'm by myself. which i guess is true.
It's a choice between sliding into social interaction by avoiding it and clinging to Bouy, or plunging feet first in without Bouy and getting somewhere; eating my toad with biting down as hard as possible bites.
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