i'm scared that i've imagined the affection my boy gives me, and that when i wake up he won't be there or be the person he is in my memory/dreams.
this is because this is how i lived for a year of my life - i would have a day of feeling as tho i was being ignored, then go to sleep and dream lovely things so that when i woke up i thought everything was alright. then i'd start a conversation and feel that i was being ignored apart from if i was needed for gratification. then fall asleep.
devil's circle, not all his fault.
i'm sorry. i'm fucked up and it confuses boy when i wake up and say 'you exist!' and stroke his face.
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